Not literally, mind you... a pretty darn ups n down filled day today it was...
This afternoon I was probably at the peak of my patience treshold... All it took was one more little prick & I knew I would lose it. So I went off during my lunch break as soon as I can. I knew I needed to cool down.
Feeling troubled & at a loss, off I went for a one hour break. Funny...I hate to admit it but I'm feeling sick. Tired. Weak.
The beauty hall (what they call the cosmetics department) doesn't seem very beautiful at all. Just 3 months on job & it is beginning to become unbearable. I do too wonder... Is it worth it to go on working in an unhealthy environment? Where people can smile at you in a moment, & the next minute can just treat you like you're invisible? Treat you like an enemy?
Those cold eyes are starting to get a grip on me unknowingly. I remember one passage when Jesus told His disciples to shake the dust off their feet if a town doesn't welcome them. So I ignored them & went on my way, thinking that hey, at least my own counter colleagues are okay :')
Well, that is not the case either but hey, no one is perfect right? I have many shortcomings too...
As much as I hated to do so, I finally admitted to myself today- that I was letting my emotion control me. A little voice in my head was telling me that. Stubborn as usual, I didn't like it but deep down I knew it was right. I was unable to control even my own emotion :(
Perhaps God is teaching me humility, because in my times of weakness, when I am powerless...that is when I would reach out to Him earnestly...humbly... I called to Him for help.
I don't know how but He lifted me up. I feel lighter. Now that I think about it, I was probably carrying a burden that I don't need to. That moment I know, He is there. I told myself, dear self, how doubtful can you get?
One thing I know though & what I repeated in my head over was this:
I am weak but You are strong,
I am a coward but You give me courage,
I am insignificant but You love me
Honestly I still cannot comprehend fully the love of God, I don't even though if I ever will. The future is uncertain, but I'm glad that the past, present & future is in His hands.
Just that is enough for now :')
same here...i know if i were to spent eternity diving to find the depth of the ocean of God's love, I will fail :') My prayers are with you Glo, i'm experiencing some struggles here myself, but i love this part when you said: I am weak but You are strong,I am a coward but You give me courage,
ReplyDeleteI am insignificant but You love me. Blessings:)
have been getting the same vibe since i left kk. but take it in stride - just tebalkan muka and take it easy. you know who your real friends are. other people might be thinking the same way too and are prolly just trying to protect themselves. just be patient and be as understanding as possible. who knows, people will start to feel more secure and comfortable then soften up :)
ReplyDeleteThanks guys...it's comforting to know I'm not really alone...you're a blessing to me...miss u both loads!
ReplyDeleteMad, I already kasi tebal muka this, lol! :P
Will try my best here, God bless... :')